Can… but SHOULD is the Question
There is a lot of pressure on a Peace Corp Volunteer/Trainee. While the life is pretty chill, actually - Lots of sleep, money provided, no schedules or ‘must-do’ lists, but it seems we are constantly watched. I am not talking about the curious children that surround us each night, but by our peers here and loved ones back home.
“Will he/she make it the two years? Do you think he/she will ET (Early Termination)?” We know this is asked about us because we ask it (regularly) about each other. I am willing to place money that each volunteer was asked at least once prior to leaving the States, “Can you handle Africa?” My group even has made a shirt saying, “Don’t ET, Phone Home.” Cute, very cute and witty. But troublesome for me… here is why: (I apologize in advance for my habit of critically analyzing my perception of reality. I realize this makes few friends).
This mentality seems to turn Peace Corps service into a notch in the belt - for those who can ‘cut it’ and successfully ‘grin and bear’ two years in a poor country. Peace Corps Service should not be looked at as a contest to be won, to see who can handle having the lit end of a cigar burnt into their skin the longest. Is this what this resume building activity has become, or always has been?
The superficial sacrifices are important and should not be completely dismissed. But in my humble opinion, the three months of training and living with a host family should be a reflection on SHOULD I, as a white, middle class privileged American, be here? Do I have a right to be here? What effects/consequences are there from me being here, both personally and professionally? Would I better serve in my own culture? Etc, Etc.
Lucky for me I can afford to phone home (even fly home mid-service or for an important event), go to the five star hotel (with a pool) and get a hamburger - I even hear that there are milkshakes in Ouaga. AND never, never underestimate the value of a care package. These accesses to privilege make the ‘ability’ to do Peace Corps quite easier. I believe few volunteers/trainees ET not because they can NOT do Peace Corps but because they CHOOSE not to.
I often remind myself that there are multiple motives and values for doing Peace Corps service. This is important to recognize in order for my peers and I to understand, interaction and forgive each other. But the understanding seems to end when the Peace Corps seizes to serve the motives, values, or needs of a person.
Judgement follows ET. From peers in-country and loved ones. It seems to me that more courage and honesty is needed to ET than to service in Peace Corps. Perhaps instead, the more important issue is for each us is to ask if we are wanted/needed in our communities. If I feel the Peace Corps is imperialist should I complete my service to save face? What about the young 20-something that discovers that he/she is unable/unwilling to break down the barrier of privilege in order to develop an understanding and respectful relationship within his/her host community? And what if a moment of clarity tells one of us that our talents are better used to be part of a social change in America or to tend to a sick loved one? How much character (and pride, self-esteem) will one lose if such honesty is followed by a decision to ET?
If you are starting to judge me, don’t worry, I have no thoughts of ETing… as of now. Personally, i do not doubt that I “can’t” do this- I did not come to Africa to prove my ‘toughness’ at roughing it. But I have many thoughts on if I should be here- not at a personal level necessarily but as a guest in Burkina. As a privileged American (a country with important tendencies), as a ‘development worker’. In keeping true to my desire to be part of the solution (and what that really looks like).
So many questions, so few answers. So little language skills to help me listen. Patience is my personal lesson. I trust that time will show me where my community is and how I can work in solidarity, side by side, as equals. And if this is possible as a Peace Corps member.
*Disclaimer: Terms, numbers, facts, and spelling may be incorrect - These posts are often written by kerosene lamp without access to references. If you notice a mistake, please comment.
I believe in dialogue - comments and conversation are valuable to me!! So if you have thoughts - please voice them!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:56 am
Reading this, I felt like you were sitting in my office saying it to me. I am glad to see that you are the same as usual. So much care and wisdom from such a young soul and yes, I am and will continue to constantly watch you.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I really enjoy reading your blog. I wasn’t ready to keep one when I was at the same point in my service.
Its really fun and interesting to hear your thoughts, I remember feeling the exact same way. Well, as for the people in the States, I think their questions and reactions often are gutteral responses to how they would feel if it were them making the committment. As it takes a village to raise a child, people who have had a hand in your life will take your service personally, as they should. One of the beautiful things about this program, really.
I guess what I’m saying is be patient with tactless comments that may be made… you’re doing something so unfathomable to most, people are practically speechless except for these vague stabs at relevancy. I don’t think many people who have not had to make the choice themselves will actually judge you, even if it sounds like it.
As for your colleagues, its so stressful to be in country, especially at first. I think there’s a culture of pressuring each other (at first) as a defense mechanism on all the thoughts in our own heads about ET’ing. Also, not really a judgement, see?
I write mines by kerosine as well.
September 16th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Hey, had some time on my hands so was checking out other PCV’s blogs and stumbled across this awesome post. I really love it. I’m all about critically analyzing the situation although describing the way I feel in words is often difficult for me. You touched on some key points that I agree with, and Claudette’s comment is also on point.
I ask myself whether I should be here, regardless of whether I can survive roughing it in Africa. Personally, that part was a factor for week 1 of training and then it never again crossed my mind - I am ready to put myself through hell if it means that I get to accomplish what I want, or think is right. However, I was reading Christine Rhodes’ blog and a reader left a comment regarding technology, and the lack thereof during her PC tour. I think that the fact that we can access the internet, own a cell phone, and catch glimpses of the news on tv plays a roll in our integration here - notably taking away from it. This reader mentioned being forced to turn to her community rather than family and friends (either back home or from stage) during tough times, especially at the beginning of her service. She said that she would never have come to love Ghana, her country of service, as much as she does if it hadn’t been for those first couple months where she had very little if not no contact with home.
I may be rambling on but I guess what I’m getting at is that I think the majority of Burkinabe want us to be a part of their communities. I have yet found anyone who has not generously thanked me for being here and “coming from glorious American to help their poor country”. I think those comments are genuine, and they really do thank us for being here. However, we may be victim to a comfort bubble that comes with the use of technology that may prevent us from really getting to know our communities and breaking the privilege and cultural barriers. Because of that and for some the language barriers, it may lead you to question whether you should be here. Ask a Burkinabe you’re getting to know well whether they think you should be here and I doubt they would say no!
You can’t avoid competition in any work environment and I think PC is in sorts a work environment. You have bosses, colleagues and a “clientelle”. It is normal to be proud of your achievements and like Claudette said, we all have similar thoughts with regards to ETing as well as reasons why we’re here and if we’re really going to help anyone in the long run. I think at a very basic level we’re evolutionarily predisposed to be in competition with each other, and it doesn’t stop just because you’re a volunteer and have altruistic goals in mind. As much as we try to support one another, we’re also each aware of our own and our peers’ struggle to make it through the tough times. It might seem like Stage is one of those times, maybe the hardest one. We want everyone to stay; we value each others motivation and commitment to coming to joining PC. Hence don’t ET, phone home. But when the situation arises that a loved one is sick, or you have other important reasons requiring you to leave, ETing might be the only option. I think in questioning whether someone is going to ET or not, we are testing the reasons they came here in the first place. Again, I am proud, and honored to be here, but I want to feel the same way about my fellow PCVs.
I might not have touched on what you were getting at, but I’m interested in continuing this discussion - i think its an important one to have with oneself.